I would just like to announce that I have met my best friend in the whole entire world and fallen madly in love with him.

This whole love thing scared the hell out of me at first.  I don’t open myself up to a whole bunch of people, and it can be hard for me to let other people in.  I’m usually very cautious about who I divulge all the personal, somewhat embarrassing aspects of my personality to.  So it really threw me for a loop when I realized that I was opening up to someone.  It came so naturally that I didn’t even realize that I was doing it at first.

I am not perfect in relationship because I don’t have that much experience with it, and I have definitely made a lot of mistakes in the one I am currently in because of my own insecurities and fears.  For example, that whole opening up thing – yeah, I’ve told him more things than anybody else in my entire life, but sometimes I still fear that I’ll tell him something a little too crazy about myself and it’ll scare him away and that’s the last thing I want to happen.

But now that I have accepted the fact that not only did I fall in love with someone but I also allowed him to love me back, it is the greatest feeling in the world.  24/7 happiness just at the thought of the person – who knew it could happen.  I always wanted to fall in love, but I definitely had my days where I thought it never would.

As good as it feels, it hurts sometimes, too.  And my hurt comes from the fact that we’re so far apart.  I got used to seeing him every single day and now I haven’t seen him in four weeks.  It sucks.  I miss him so much.  I know I’ll get to see him at some point this summer, and I’m counting down the days, but it’s taking forever.  Until then, I have all my memories that I’m holding onto very strongly.

I love you, baby.

The girl wanted to be ‘Made’ into a girly girl.  I don’t really know why you need a TV show to become a girly girl.  I mean all the other episodes they work toward an ultimate goal like a sporting competition or a pageant but this girl just put on a dress, some make up, curled her hair and went to the Winter Formal.  In her defense though, she was able to step out of her older brother’s and sister’s shadow and gain more confidence.

But back to the task at hand, her Made coach didn’t want to just turn her into a girly girl but a ‘power’ girl.  According to the coach, this means someone who is confident at all times, always looks good, always feels good, and is visibly passionate about something.

This got me thinking.  Am I a power girl?

I like to think I’m a confident person.  On most days I am.  But then, of course, we all have our bad days.  And lately, I’ve had a lot of those days.  Do I always look good and feel good?  Now, this I can answer with a resounding no.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m this hideous person or anything.  I actually like to think that I’m a rather cute girl.  It’s just that I’m more of a jeans and t-shirt girl.  But not in the cute celebrity way.  More like 2-year-old ripped and faded jeans with an old t-shirt that I should only be wearing to go work out.  I wish I could be more fashionable in that respect; put an actual outfit together and take the time to do my hair every day.  And that whole having a passion thing…yeah, I’m working on it.

I’ve realized I don’t really know what I’m passionate about and that kind of bothers me.  I know things that I like and don’t like, but passionate?  I’m not really sure.  I guess there are a few things I could consider a passion.  Children is one thing; dancing/music is another, but I don’t know what to do with them.  I don’t know that I’m the teacher type, and I don’t see myself just jumping up and moving to California or NYC to become a dancer, especially since I haven’t taken a serious dance class since the 5th grade.

Maybe I’m just coming up with excuses to stall doing the things that I’m meant to do in life because I’m nervous about getting started and messing up or just complete failing at it. And then, where do you draw the line between a passion and a hobby?  How do you know which is meant to be a career choice and which one is just something you do once or twice a week just for the heck of it?

(If you can’t tell, I’m becoming my own personal therapist right now.  Why is it so hard to just openly admit these things to yourself and just fix it?)

Part of the reason I’ve been thinking about these things so much lately is because I’m in that limbo period between college and entering the real world.  If you’ve read my blog (all 2 or 3 of you) then you know I’m constantly complaining about this lack of a job thing.  With so much spare time I have nothing else to do but think a lot.

Trying to figure out what to do with the rest of your life is just absolutely exahusting not to mention frustrating.  Some days I think I have it all figured out and then others I’m completely clueless.  I feel a slight pressure to have the rest of my life figured out by now, but I don’t.  I’m trying not to stress over it, but that only works about 35% of the time.

My new ‘thing’ is going to be trying to take it just one day at a time.  Taking care of myself and figuring myself out from the inside first and then the out.  Well, okay, I’ll probably do some of the outside simultaneously.  Can’t be looking a hot mess every single day.  Maybe just two or three times a week.

What am I doing now you ask?

Absolutely nothing.

Yes, nothing.

Not by choice but by circumstance.  I’ve been constantly searching for jobs to apply to and nothing, yet.  I actually got my first rejection letter the other day.  I’m trying to stay positive through this whole thing, but it absolutely sucks to put it bluntly.

Literally all day is devoted to the job hunt.  I guess that’s become my job for right now (other than babysitting the dog).  Between searching for the job, writing the cover letter, completing applications, filling out and stamping envelopes, trips back-and-forth to the post office, and then repeatedly checking for an acceptance email it gets absolutely exhausting.  I spent over three hours a couple days ago just trying to burn video files onto DVDs.  (I’m was a journalism major, btw, so a DVD of our material is required for the job)

All I can hope for is that something will turn up eventually.  Some days I just want to quit and become a professional dog babysitter.  At least she likes me and thinks I’m qualified.  But in actuality, I can’t let that happen.  I can’t live with my parents forever.

I saw a True Life on MTV about still living with your parents.  Part of me comletely understood the situation, but then another part of me said, “OMG.  I cannot be 31 and still living with my parents.”  Hopefully, it won’t be long after (or preferably before) my 23rd birthday that I can finally be on a successful career path.

Hopefully.

My symptoms are pretty generic, but they’re really intense; stronger than what I’ve ever felt before and not to mention really, really persistent.  My symptoms are simply extreme nausea, hot flashes, and stomach pains.  It has been going on literally every single day for the past three weeks or so.  I would even go so far as to say that it’s been longer than that just off and on prior.

I’ve attempted to diagnose myself with a stomach bug and over eating, but the symptoms have not gone away even after changing diet.  I know I’m not pregnant and since I’m only 22, I’m going to assume that I’m not entering menopause (at least I hope not).

I cannot stand being nauseous.  I hate it more than actually vomiting, so I’m not stalling on going to a doctor this time.  But I’ve had to wait for my health insurance to get reinstated and it took forever to get it back.

All I really care about is making all this go away.  I’m seriously at a point where I just can’t stand it anymore.  Any ideas or suggestions on what it  could be?  I’m willing to listen to just about anything.

I went to Wendy’s today.  I’m a frequent visitor of Wendy’s.  It gets a lot of my money…so why do I let them screw me over almost every single time.

The service at this particular Wendy’s is absolutely atrocious.  They get the order wrong, the wait is too long, and they’re incredibly rude, but I always go back cause I love the food.  Darn them and their 99 cent junior bacon cheeseburger.

Today, I ordered a #6, a mandarin oranges cup, and a salad.  All went well until I got my order and saw the fries missing.  Naturally, I went back to get them, and the guy behind the counter saw me and before I could even get the words out he informed me that the lady who rang me up placed the oranges as a replacement for the fries instead of separately.

This mistake in order was not my fault.  I am 100% clear on what I said: “And then may I also have a mandarin oranges cup.”  Never did I once say I want to “substitute.”  So, of course, I wanted my fries, and I wanted them for free.  But the guy (who was just a teen worker and not a manager) said I had to pay for the fries if I still wanted to get them.

This is when I got angry.  This guy was standing behind the counter and watched the lady ring up my order.  He literally was not doing anything else which means that he heard what I said and he knows that it was her fault.  In fact, he’s the one who got my drink order.  So why in God’s name did he insist that I pay for the fries that I was entitled to?!

I don’t like confrontation, so I got the fries since they weren’t even for me.  I didn’t want someone else to miss out on their food. But I lost my appetite after that.  My boyfriend said that if I had gotten “ignorant” with them, then I would have gotten the fries for free.  While this is probably true, I don’t see why it has to be that way.  Why do I have to get loud and obnoxious in a public place to receive the proper service that I’m supposed to get anyway?

Fast food…I need to learn to cook… then maybe I won’t have this problem…

Just about everybody I know has the exact number of days left as their facebook status, but I’m still concentrating on trying to make it through these last couple days of classes.  (Ok, technically today is the last day.)  If you think about it, if you don’t make it through these last days, then you’re not graduating and you’re countdown is pointless.

I still have so much to do.  I haven’t slept in days; literally, days.  I am so exhausted, but even when I turn in that final project, I get to rest for one night before I have to turn around and do it all over again this weekend for a conference.  Why can’t a girl just get a break?  Is that too much to ask?

Well, the 47-year-old stunned everyone: the judges, the audience, and everyone watching at home and on the Internet.  She said her dream was to become a professional singer and people laughed.  The camera even cut to someone in the audience who made a disgusted face at the thought.  But when she opened her mouth to sing “I Dreamed a Dream” from the musical Les Miserables, Boyle is the one who had the last laugh.  She received a standing ovation; even Simon was impressed.

You can’t judge a book by its cover.

Susan Boyle singing on Britain's Got Talent

photo courtesy of www.mirror.co.uk

This whole new (or maybe just revised) pirating industry is getting out of hand.  It seems like there’s some new attack every other day.  I remember when the news stories about the pirates started becoming more frequent a few years ago.  It kind of confused a lot of people at first because to our one-track minds pirates mean rum, skull and crossbones, treasure chests, eye patches, peg legs, and Johnny Depp.  But, as it turns out, pirates still exist and it’s a booming industry.

One ship just got held hostage and the captain of that ship was just released.  And then a day later another ship got attacked, and I just read on CNN.com that another attack got thwarted.  Where are all these pirates coming from?

Granted, they’ve probably always been around, it’s just that we didn’t know about it.  (Or at least I didn’t)  And, of course, the news can be a little formulaic.  A certain topic does not make the news until something major happens, and then it ends up in the news every single day every single time something related happens; even the most minute thing.

Either way, these pirates have opened our eyes to what goes on internationally and how others lives are being effected every day.

I took the GRE today, and as you may or may not know, it is a computer-based exam.  Well, I get through one section of the test and what happens?  My computer screen says that a problem has occurred and I might have to cancel everything.

Seriously?  Why?  What’s the point?  What life lesson am I supposed to get from this?

It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Thankfully, I was just moved to another computer and I could pick up where I left off, but I can only take so much.

He started out as a player for the Philadelphia Eagles in 1958 until he suffered a knee injury.  From there he became a college coach and then moved on to the National Football League in 1968 as a linebackers’ coach for the Oakland Raiders before becoming their head coach in 1969.  He also helped lead the team to victory in Super Bowl II.

Madden began his broadcasting career in 1979 on CBS and worked his way onto all four major networks.  Madden is also well-known for giving his name and his voice to the video game franchise Madden NFL.

He was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2006 for his coaching career.

John Madden

photo courtesy of www.time.com